The End is where you begin, sometimes

I knew for three years this day was coming eventually, but I am still sad.

Almost three years ago I went on an interview with a woman who needed someone to help cook her meals for her family. It was a simple gig, that planted a seed and lead to a new business idea. It was my first interview with someone that ended with ” I am dying, I am not getting to get better…I have stage five breast cancer but I’d really like you to cook for us.” I took the job.

Every Tuesday I showed up and made delicious stuff. She did the shopping and picked out the menu she really spoiled me, as much as she told me I spoiled her. She treated me to a coffee and a warm hug and blessings. Typically she pulled all the ingredients out and recipes with her notes ingredients she wanted more or less of, little adjustments she wanted from the last time she made it. I got to do the fun part just creating and cooking or baking. Someone else even did the dishes. A dream job.

I learned and made delicious meals: rosemary chicken, kovartha chicken, chicken enchiladas, lamb chili, herbed hummus, veggie lasagne, gluten-free rosemary crackers, various cheese quiches, homemade macaroni and cheese laden with three kinds of cheeses, butter chicken, curried lentils, turkey meatloaf. I learned about Indian spices…(cardamom pods are really tough, and can’t be eaten even after you try to crush them into submission…(Sorry I broke your coffee grinder)

Did you know you can eat delitica squash skin on? Making food for someone can be intimate. I knew her family preferred thighs vs breasts, gooey middles in baked goods., she preferred meals heavy on vegetables vs meats. The cheese was a favorite. Every so often after she ate I would get a little text with thumbs up (or down.) She was full of grace and gratitude. She often shared baked goods she was given by friends, especially if they were sweet.

Three weeks ago was one of the last times I was there, the menu was full of decadent muffins, and blueberry pancakes, and full fat mashed potatoes with raw cream. She said as long as she was hungry and things tasted good she wanted yummy stuff. When the music stopped streaming on my phone, I was treated to Josh Grobin CDs. Now I will forever think of her when I hear a song of his.

I’m not sure exactly how I'm feeling tonight. She had been dying for as long as I've known her. I've been there and waited patiently for her to get out of the hospital as cancer slowly crept to every crevice of her tall frame. She was a “client” but also became a friend. I’ll miss her snorty laugh and her smile. Funny, once she asked me if her extremely thin frame grossed me out, on the contrary, I felt honored to be hugged. She called me dear one..and showered me with blessings, what a gift.

This is going to take a bit of time to accept and digest.